This made my night a few days ago. I wanted to put it here so I didn't lose it.

Chas: did I ever tell you my theory on the transitive property of pirates?
Me: do tell
Chas: of course not! I just am coming up with it now
Chas: well, as we all know, in geometry, the transitive property means that A=A
Me: oh it is most definitly the robot hour of the night
Chas: now, pirates are trickier fellows
Chas: for one thing, they Y'ARR a lot
Chas: that makes them difficult to quantify
Chas: the best unit of measurement we can use, undoubably, are Ninjas
Chas: now, there are approximately 1.3 american Ninjas in one pirate
Chas: (japanese ninjas are smaller)
Me: hahahah
Chas: but! are all pirates created EQUAL?
Chas: THE FACTS SAY NO!
Chas: for instance, some pirates have more treasure than others
Chas: some have hats
Chas: all have parrots
Chas: some have wooden legs
Chas: some have wooden legs full of treasure
Chas: one really smelly one has a wooden leg full of parrots
Chas: which is why 1.3 is merely AVERAGE
Chas: ninjas, though, are all identical
Chas: that is why they make such a good unit of measurement
Chas: so, normally, the formula would fall apart here
Chas: but
Chas: pirates have a wierd quirk that only I know about
Chas: and that is how I can formulate this postulate
Chas: and here it is:
Chas: the less treasure, wooden leg, or parrot mass that a pirate has, the louder his Y'ARRRRR!!!
Chas: using E=MC2 (duh!) we can convert this Y'ARRRR energy into matter!
Chas: therefore, ALL pirates are equal to 1.3 Ninjas WHILE SPEAKING
Chas: so all you have to do is coax them to speak
Chas: and you can adequately measure your pirate population
Chas: ::applause::