My dad will be here to pick me up in an estimated 22 minutes.
I'm only going to be home a few days, and I have to go. I really HAVE to. I mean I'm not coming home for summer or anything. I wont even get much of a chance to come home at all this summer between class and work. So, really, I am going to go another long long time without seeing them.
And I havent given momm her muy belated birthdya present (and mothers day comes up soon too doesnt it? i gotta start worrying about that and dad's birthday and fathers day . . . bah)
I have to make an appearance
I'm not taking off my little hemp rainbow bracelet I bought recently. I bulght it, i like it, i want to wear it. and so I will. My parents will never recognize it as pride jewelry. They live with blinders on
I'm warming my mom up tp the idea of me rooming with michael in the fall. I'm doing it very very carefully.Me and Michael have already decided 100% we are living together in that apartment. I told mom I havent decided who I will room with yet that I am thinking about Michael but I know she doesnt want me to room with a guy so I'm still looking for female friends to live with . . . blah blah blah. lying.
I lie to my parents so much I am starting to really and truly feel guilt over it. like alot almost.
16 minutes now
I have to see my grandparents and my aunt and uncle and cousins too. I'll see them sunday fo ra limited amount of time. I promise myself nothing they say will get more than skin deep
before Brad died I used to llike going to my grandparent's house. I don't get what's happening.I miss liking my family. . . I mean I never did much anyway, but less now than before.
I have to stop cursing now, stop using 'the lord's name in vain' and stop saying 'tard so i wont end up in a fight with mom and dad. I have to turn that part of my brain off for a little while.
I have to be ready for comments on my weight and my acne and why I don't have a boyfriend
the last one is jsut incredibly funny to me at this point, not even hurtful anymore.
What if I came out while I was home?
See that is wha I am afraid of now when I am home, that I will come out in spite of myself. That the words will escape and then it will be just hanging out there, in the air.

in the play i wrote most recently for playwrighting class i used the line 'tos me aside like so many peanut shells."
i think its funny
12 minutes now

do you think that maybe I over-dramatize this stuff?

I told Trent the other day about my slef abuse

shit dad just claled he is here early

bye