I just watched an entire episode of ER which I haven't done in like 2 years when Wes was going through his ER obsession and made me watch it every morning.
I walked in the living room saw it on TV and suddenly thought . . . she was watching the same thing right then.
I texted her just to talk and saw nothing that was going on the screen. It reminded me of a time I watched baseball late at night more to talk to a someone about it than to see the game.

I am nuts over her and I havent been this so crazy over someone in a very very long time.I think about her constantly. I want to talk to her at all hours of the day and night. I watch a movie, i see s tore, i hear a joke or a song, and I think of her, i suddenly want to tell her something.

I got one of those stupid spam email that says things about love and you have to send it to all your friends and blah blah blah, you know the deal. It listed ways to know your soulmate and one of them was that you think about them all the time and you smile when you do
so
yeah
. . .
anyway

i got a huge rip in my pajama pants and the only other lower body sleepwear i have here at home is a pair of shorts. I am afraid to wear them around the house cause mom might see the scars on my legs . I kind of have a preplanned conversation for if she comments. She won't i promise you. If she could go for soe many years of me doing that stuff with only noticing once and then accepting a lame excuse, then she wont notice this now.
it is a releif and a little sad too. But it is in the past, they are old scars and I feel somewhat ok.
Oh and by the way. I have decided to completely quit smoking. completely. My grandfather is pretty much officially dying from cigarettes. At the very least i can't have moral high ground when i talk about how he is making it even worse on himself by not quitting

I have noticed that everyone i know lately has a dying grandparent, they are about to be dead, or taking a turn for the worst, or dead, all in like a month. Alot of grandparents of friends. . . I dont want to be superstitious but . . .

sigh