I have bene home since 5pm yesterday (or rather the day before yesterday considering that it is past 2am, its technically saturday

i was hoping he would be online, so i could stop being a chicken shit

he isnt

i cant stop thinking about her meanwhile. I taked to another friend apparently she hasnt been easy to contact lately, he hasnt gotten any returned calls from her either
it is strange, she hasnt returned a single message from me since she left for break and i dont feel paranoid and insecure at all. I know I am important to her, i know she cares. . . . I just want her to care in another way.
Remember all that shit about desiring the unnattainable? yeah.
I go to a college where finding people of a compatible sexual orientation is significantly more likely. Yet i keep falling for straight girls. what is wrong with me.

i am tired, and i miss her. i kept looking at pics of her on her facebook profile and missing her.
it is silly too. I was sure when i met her that something could come of it, and somewhere in my mind i still think
but it is a stupid and self-defeating thought.

but the fact is, i dont care that nothing is going to come from it. i really just enjoying being near her and laughing with her. It doesnt break my heart that my other feelings arent reciprocated, that is something new. normally i would be crying over this shit. maybe this is progress.
maybe