I really dont think I have been this evidentaally bi-polar in a long time.
Yesterday after English I was effing manic. Seriously. I couldnt shut up or stay still. I was hyper and at first i was happy but after a while I just was. It was pretty crazy
then today over the slightest injsutice i was horridly deressed and i had the means with me at the time i would have cut. luckily by the time i was back to the seclusion of my room i was feeling ok again.
i mean hell, how long has it been since i had to duck into a public restroom and cry? . . . . i think maybe my sophomore year of highschool, that is a veyr long time ago, 4 years.

you know things are nuts. towards the end of my senior year of highschool i had a huge crush on this girl who would later by my first friend in college. I was head over heels, i even went out of my way to see her in her town 2 hours away. I was lead to beleive she was straight. She was seeing a guy at the time and it just seemed like . . . . Well, now she obviously isn't straight. She is dating this girl who i think is just a really fun and great person and that before i met a friend of mine kept comparing me to. . . . they make an adorable couple. they are good together.

this girl who i really thought i had a chance with at the beginning of this year . . . another story.

It is very frustrating to be this alone and just not know how to change it. and meanwhile . . . i am just so fucked up and there is no one to lean on.