I'm feeling better.
(you most likely didnt know i was feeling bad, i wasnt making any entries about it)
I can tell by the subject matter of my dreams.
I am finding makeshift ways to be less lonely. meaningless interaction that makes me feel better about myself.
being near you in my dreams.
I flirt semi-regularly with this guy at work, who flirts with nearly everyone, so i know it is absolutely meaningless, that there is no real attraction.
he makes me feel better about myself anyways. He has amazing beautiful eyes and he smiles at me, and rubs my back, and i dont care. I feel like there is almost a chance that something similar but real could happen.
I keep looking in the mirror, i am getting uglier. I dont like this at all, but i am coping better with that and other things now than i was a week ago.
i put too much sugar in my minttea.
I am trying very hard to be more honest with my mother
orange panda
a conversation floats in my head, far more than it should. i dont think i like reality.
i feel warmer when i am alone, and ifeel that slow sort of fidgety feeling in myhands. i woke up this morning ready to apply myself, to do the thing si promised myself i would do
my father had me helping to dig up the old water line until it was time for me to get ready for work.
tomorrow, tomorrow i will, maybe even tonight. i dont want to put it off any longer, or i will never do it. if i procrastinate and lack motivation much longer i will look in the mirror more and more and watch myself become fatter, and uglier.
i will do it, i need to do it