With all the shuffling of people in and out of my life lately, i am still surprised to hear from you.

I dont make new friends anymore, I dont really meet new people, I just re-encounter old acquaintances. I dont know if it is easier, but it is what i have been doing. instead of broadening my circle i am watching people move in and out of it freely. Just a reminder that I am not much of an active participant.

but to hear from you now.

It is strange the way equillibrium is kept. How as one thing leaves anothe rslides in to replace it.
But if that is all you are going to be, then forget it.

I needed you for so long, and to try to exist without needing you was one of those long droning aching tolerable yet intolerable hells. You became a phantom limb.
but now, so used to the handicap, i am not so sure what to do with myself if it were to return.

the strangest part, the outreach is from you, not another desperate and unheard cry from me . . . to you

I just dnt know what to do with myself these days. Sometiems I can't decide if I am laid back and "go with the flow" or just too afraid to take action in my own life.
I suppose that sometimes it is good to allow things to take their course. It is good to be prepared and allow something you knew was inevitable happen . . . the less you try to stop the inevitable the fewer scars it leaves you with. But I am sure I could name many times when it was worth the fight and I just didnt do it. I didnt break up with my ex boyfriend, though he treated me like shit, because i knew he would do it eventually anyway. there is quite a bit to be said for standing up for oneself . . . .