I forgot how good this felt.
I really did.
When i was in middle school i submitted two poems to poetry contests and got published, however apon reading the other things that were published . . i didnt feel quite so accomplished.
also in middle school i was published twice in this magazine that the school system did.
In highschool i dont remember ever submitting anything. I put poems online on message boards, here and on my now neglected webpage, but i didnt try to publish anything.
I just found out a few hours ago, that i am going to be published in this book the university does, which pretty much every English 101 student is required to buy. I won first place in the contest
i literally ran out of my room in order to tell people. god, it feels wonderful. There is apparently some sort of prize, i dont even know what it is. I am thrilled, utterly thrilled. just eveyr part of me is leaping out of my skin.
To think that so many people will read this . . . to think that they want me to read it at the writing festival . . . in front of so many people.
when i started talking to my brothe about it things suddenly hit me full force though.
What i wrote about . . . motherfucker
I cant show this to mom, or any of my family for that matter. I cant. It is the Personal Narrative i wrote for class, all about Brad's death. I mean really about it. from my point of view, with all the anger i had toward them, my own feelings of guitl . . . things they should not know at all
things they would be very angry to read.
and looking at it all again, i dont have the faintest idea what to do. do i lie and not tell them about the publishing and pretend it was just a contest i won with another paper? do i not tell them at all?
or that third possibility, i just grit my teeth and go with the truth
hell with all the lying i do when it comes to my family it would be insane to tell the truth on this.
i dont know why i submitted this. I am going to read this in front of hundreds of people
but never ever let my family, or any of the people in the tale know anything about it