When i was in their room i felt something horribly wrong with all that was aroun dme. It seeped into my skin. I felt wrong. I couldnt bear to watch self-destruction anymore, it made me feel to much about myself, think to much about my own state of mind, i'm too selfish.
I took my leave and went outside. I smoked 5 cigarettes in succession. I began to cry and i saw that my supposed best friends light was on. I wanted to run back to their room and tell them everythin gi felt, how sad i was and how i wasnt sure why, and how disgusted i felt with myself. How i knew my future would be miserable and full of nothing, that i would never find any success in life, just being a starving, poor artist. instead i smoked more cigarettes
i thought silently please notice me. then soon iw as saying it out loud. all alone, in teh dark, crying for the first time in a month. i wanted to ask for help, i wante to talk to someone, but iw ouldnt let myself.
i smoked till i felt i would vomit, so i smoked more, hoping that iw ould
i didnt vomit.
the rage and self-hatred subsided, like it always does. I came back inside, quite cold.
i talked, i laughed i felt better until i went to bed around 2:30.

at abut 4 am i was jsotled and i screamed at the sudden withdrawal from slumber ino the harsh cold frightening world. my roommates face was frighteningly close. As she does she apologized for startling me. then she aksed if i knew this guy.

on our floor, in the fetal position was a man. he was in his boxers and a tank top. he seemed to be wuite sound asleep. for a moment i thought i knew him, with the lights on i was sure i didnt. he wouldnt wake, he seemed even to not be breathing for a moment. My mind couldnt grasp this. For some reason on my floor was a slumbering individual that i had never met and that my roommate didnt know. We rarely lock our door, in fact most people in our dorm rarely lock their doors when in the room. my roommat eleft to get help, we didnt know what to do.

in my drunkenly tired state i was still processing this. taking in the details. what time was it? who was this? why was i awake? where was i? what was wrong with him? getting out of my bed was a confusing enough idea, but calculating in this foreign body on my rug, that was an all new challenge.

I aksed him to wake up, he didnt move.

The CA knew him and dragged him off and suddenly he was gone, as suddenly as he had appeared.
after a few minutes of discussing how frightening and unnerving the situation was i fell back asleep

in the morning in the shower the entire night, seemed like a dream. I wanted to write something about it, find some sort of symbolic significance to it.

there wasnt any