my roommate on sex and the city: "I love it how they always kiss on the first date because that never happens in real life"
It has occured to me that in my roommates eyes, would be considered, well, easy most likely. The majority of my relationships have not occured in the proper order.
There is a vast range. On one end, there is a person with whome i did everything but sex with after knowing him less than three hours. the next time i saw him he took my virginity
Another person who i never even touched, but was sure i loved whole heartedly.
I suppose though, that when the opportunity is there, i don't really wait too long.

I try so hard to grapple onto some sort of standard. I do not know what I am thinking . . . I do not know what idea i am trying to convey
no wonder i have been a hack as of late

When I was a kid, I watched Seinfeld. My mother always judged such sitcoms because they embodied this societal idea of the third date equaling sex. my mother insisted that didnt happen in real life either

We discussed this idea in one of my classes (its about human development and families) that dating is a relatively new phenomenom, it started around the 20s or so, and that it is fading away. That made me feel alot better, a hell of a lot better. Because i had felt strange that if i were to sit down and compare the number of people i had been involved with romantically and the number of dates i had been on . . . the former would be greater than the latter.

Like everyone else I tried to set the limits, determine some point along a scale inw hich certain things happen, you now, the baseball metaphors, first base, second . . home. I tried to break down levels of attraction and commitment, sort of lines that once crossed trigger the apropriate reaction, and there is some sort of fail proof system that stops certian things from being triggered before the wire has been tricked, and i always felt that things happened to soon, or too late, and always by a lot. i was never anywhere near my expecations, not by a long shot.

I am learning, or trying to learn, that things take their own course. I cannot chart my life. I cannot diagram what acts take place at what points. I am ready for things when i am ready for them, they happen when they happen. I refuse to regret so much of my life. I refuse to look at every past relationship or action that i am not fond of as a massive mistake. regret is too harsh a word for me to allow it to label a large portion of my life