(i have been wanting to update for a while but diaryland has been bitchy and only letting gold memebers update alot mroe than usual lately, curse you!)

my mind has been making moments all week, with the shudder and thrill of anticipation. My brain and thoughts cannot quite wrap around it.
I keep picturing the train stopping with a clou dof steam and that hissing sound of releif, you getting off and looking lost a moment, and it is all in black and white. My mind keeps trying to anticipate it all, but i can't, i have a severe lack of experience when it comes to carefree weekends, and train stations.

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I became a weepy drunk for the first time ever last night. I became a thousand times more bi-polar than i have ever been. I started talking about my uncle and i was sobbing. i went to the bathroom and came back, and i was dancing.
It was all laced with sadness last night. not to say that i disliked it. emotional release is good. I remember dancing and saying i didnt care if anyone listened, or cared about what i said, as long as i said it. and i meant that.
Life doesn't work in turns or along set lines. he kept trying to say tha the shouldnt talk, that it was my turn to be the emotional one. I dont want a turn

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i am literally counting the hours and the minutes, my heart has lept into my stomache and soon both organs will flee my body of their own accord, llike the dish running away with the spoon. How can I do anything today with such excitement on the horizon?