I think it might be gone
Last night we were all talking . . . and i felt a distinct absence. That connection, that strange attraction . . . poof
i think I am currently mourning the death of my longing for him. It is fading, i can feel it. It is a good thing that it is going, it is.
I think
I had no chance, it was pretty clear. I kept dilluding myself more and more, but .. . gah i dont know
I want something else. Something attainable.
My mind is running through possibilities, because i really don't know how to function well in life without pining after someone. I can't tell if the names coming up are just grasps at straws . . . or feelings i really have.
I try to create so much in myself so I can keep going on in the same way. I invent emotions so that i can behave in ways i am familiar with.
getting over someone is the strangest thing. You don't notice it till its over usually, it is almost as if you wake up and the world cease to revolve around the sun.
and somehow you are ok with that
(she popped into my head again today)
I can't decide if i really want to be over him. I really did enjoy pining. I feel as if i have enough control to decide if this is just an ebb in the tide or the end of it.
I don't know. I should end it, i should get over him, stop longing for a boy who longs for no one.
I think it is so hard because that sentence just sounded so perfect, "the boy who longs for no one". How romanticized is that? It sounds like a romance novel.
I hate romance novels . . .
i suppose this is a goodbye to my fruitless longing. oh well.
i just hope soon there will be something else. because of all the gaping voids in me, this is the one that always bothers me the most.