my dreams of you always haunt me throughout the day, weather good or bad i am always afraid that they are mixed into reality. That i will forget myself and be near you as i may in my dreams, or that you do feel as malicious and cruel as you often are in my slumber.
last night you made me jealous in my sleep, sitting on my bed with someone else.
thought i suppose i have no right to jealous, i have no claim to you at all. but i felt what i felt.

part of me is holding out, for a time when you feel something, a time i am sure will nto come any time soon, and if and when it does i doubt it will be in my favor.
what all logic tells me is the best course of action is to move past you emotionally, infatuate myself with someone else, or no one, just not you. I should remove that thought from my mind. extract it like a tumor
but in the back of my head what ifs crop up and thoughts that maybe yo would feel something for me, but it owuld be too late. that maybe there will be something but if i get myself over you it will be ruined

it is all just silly thoughts, to keep myself from moving forward, i know that.
but the what-ifs still plgue me

the fnatasies, both good and bad, in my brain for what could happen with you, the dreams that seem to sway from extrememe positives to negatives.

I cant quite figure out why i work this way . . . i cant figure out if i truly wish i didnt