(just a minor technical note: I tweaked the layout a bit. I thought about making a new layout, but i just love this one too much! the menu is a bit neater and i archived the older entries since it is a new year and all. I got rid of the wishlist and the cast page because i neither use them or update them, and they jsut are necessary or used at all anymore)

I had a dream with you in it, that makes my stomache churn with acid and butterflies.

Last night i toyed with your hand, bent the fingeres counted them,, traced the lines on your skin. and attempted, though perhaps not entirely consciously, to develop a slight phyiscal connection with you, tear down the wall a bit. I held your hand, casually, and wondered how it made you feel, though i cannot know, no matter how i hard i try.

as i slept i walked with you, through a strange confused land of dreams. and at a moment i clasped your hand in mine, and for a moment they stayed together, then you screamed
i was chastised
what did i think i was doing
why did i keep fucking around
you asked why i was hurting you
you said you didnt want it
but didnt know how to say
that i was a bitch
too experienced
to strange
to cruel
that i laughed to much
muttered too much
that i pushed

i let you go, your eyes were cold, then you smiled, we walked again

when i see you today, i think i will tell you the dream, so you will say something comforting and i will smile. though, till then my stomache aches, and turns a bit.

I feel nervous without you, but so happy with you, and i hiccup a bit too much.