I have become the victim of incredibly strange and socially innappropriate urges to burst into tears.

Everthing is reminding me and it makes me feel sad, in the pit of my stomache somewhere that i cant pinpoint, a tir starts there and snow balls upward till sudden a wall of water is jsut behind my eyes and i cant quite figure out why.

I feel lonely

I dont know what the source is, the leak in the plumbing. I cant find a good reason, anything that should be causing it, when i had a perfect opportunity for tears they werent there.
it wasnt real i guess

my whole body tenses a moment and im one giant molecule, my mind one oxygen, my emotional tirade two hydrogen

I miss her

I miss having best friends and being able to say everyting.

I miss him

I miss the perfect outlet for thougths, someone anyone that i could really say anythin gto.
I dont know if i ever really had that, somehow i doubt it.
I vowed that a pack of a cigarettes i bought ebfore i came h0ome for break would be my last till i came back

i bought a pack this morning. . . but they were lights so i could console myself, as if they didnt count.