I have begun to live for the moments so much that i sincerely do not want anything to come of them

the absolute highlight of my day was not finding the final peice of my halloween costume, or making a break through in acting class, it was him.

Walking back to the dorm from class
my friends left behind, still trying to recover from my performance which left me emotionally exhausted, i hold one hand on my satchel full of books and look ahead, (a habit i have developed while walking to and from class, it makes me confident and cliche, like the shot of the girl at the end of "Real Women Have Curves" as she walks down the street of New York experiece a 'new chapter of her life'.)
As my eyes rise i see him, his hair hidden by a hat as usual, because of the akward shy why he rubs his hair back with his hands and puts a hat on as if it will protect him. the familiar sight of his glasses and the way he carries his notebook (shy, glasses, notebook, sounds like i am falling for a total nerd doesnt it? perhaps i am, however he is sans pocket-protector) and i see in his eyes, even from so far away that he is noticing me and that moment of "is it him?/is it her?" is very much shared between us.
There is a good distance between him and myself and while there is no one within that whole distance there is a good deal of time before we are close enough to talk. the idea of silent eye contact for that long intimidates me and i shyly lower my eyes looking down at the ground and pretending not to see him as i walk on.
I can feel his eyes still on me, and it thrills me, and finally i can take it no longer, i look up and see him smile and i cannot control the instant radiant smile that suddenly surprisingly escapes me. Small talk ensues, even from an akward distance some 'how are you's and 'where are you going's and we are soon passing eachother, and both turning around to talk more, walking backward in this strange way longing to talk even more about nothing.
and as it ended i walked away absolutely delighted

my day was made, absolutely perfect
and it didnt matter that more than likely the majority of it is in my head, that there was more than likely no attraction on his part . . . it makes me so happy that i could carry on like this forever and feel happier and more satisfied than if i had a real relationship.

and that goddam pessimistic part of me, that is confident i will die alone, has once again reminded me, that this is probably the most i can hope for