a smile
sends my whole day aflame, and i rearrange my movements and actions, the way i walk back from class, just so i can see it again, exchange a few words and smile
or perhaps just a fleeting passing, as i go to the sidewalk on the other side of the road just so i cna pss him and have that smile flashed at me and test out my shy smirk in return
It is silly, and childish in a way, that it takes all my self control not to go up to the eighth floor and knock on his door, pretending to have the wrong room just so i can see him again.
its a game of sorts, because the majority of me is quite sure that nothing will ever come of it, yet i continue. Trying to lock eyes with him across the room and changing routes to and from class . . .
it makes me feel better, almost desirable. Because in a way i can see his eyes light up when i come near, perhaps it is only an illusion of my mind, in fact i am nearly sure that is it . . . an imaginary attraction
and what i hate most about it all is that he is really handsome, and that he is brilliant . . . and i laugh everytime i remember a certain look his face, and i feel warm when i remember his smile.
I smoke cigarettes in front of the building when we have the same class so i can run into him when he leaves a little after i do.
Today i even tried, not successfully, to finish my exam at the same time as him so i could walk back to the dorm side by side
goddamit i could fall

"Some aimless infatuation which, for the moment, you feel like indulging - it's missing everything that matters."
--Meet Joe Black