if only i could control it
fully erect the wall
that i so long to have within myself
that some people are off limits
some people i cannot be attracted to
even if she does have the msot amazing laugh
or say the lines to my favorite movie 
right before i do, 
   so that we echo eachother

i cant control the longing i feel
the urge to say things do things
feel things
that seem so natural
but cant be
    shouldnt be
         that i cant allow myself
to be

impossibility mocks me, alongside
shame
and embarassment and idiocy
all calling my name