i feel as if i may pass out in pain
i got peirced today, and industrial in my left ear, it hurt and it suddenly occured to me that i often pass out when in sudden pain and i was very much afraid of making a fool of myself int eh peircing parlor.
at the moment i feel a bit light headed
last night (or rather this morning) i talked with her for half an hour, she told me about relationship troubles and we did tarot readings and talked about how we felt and energy and all that jazz. and i walked he rpart of the way to her dorm
i held it in and held it in
held it in
then when i got in the elevator to go to my room i slammed my fist against he wall and screamed, my knuckles were tender and felt bruised fo ra while, they still do a bit.
i wanted to cry
i couldnt think of anything except my own stupidity
the way i torture myself, knowing that i will end up alone with her and not doing anything to stop it. continually coming up with new excuses to be with her when i know that being with her will only cause more pain
pain
pain
i fell asleep last night (or rather this morning) in a sort of delirium, thinking to hard, my ehad swimming and feel emotionally nauseaus
i tried very hard not to think it anymore. to transpose the emotions to someone else, but then i saw her again
it cant be
its not going to happen, it is entirely impossible. This is not some twisted version of chasing amy, not every couple is an amy and tammy. . .
hey jealousy