i cant quite figure out what it is that people expect from me, where the line is between someting i do that makes sense and soemthing i do that surprises them

like many, i like to call myself someone who defies expectations, ah yes the teen rebel, always, i will be 45 and still trying to rebel against it.

but they must expect something people alwyas expect soemthing, that way they can react a basic reflex based on th relation to the event in relation to their expectations

ah yes how glorious to rbeak the wrold down itno couase and efect and facts like he did

not my cup of tea

i would rather sit here and contemplate over the meaning of tia ll, try to perhaps even determine what i expect of myself

what it hink i am

am i the sort of person who would do what i did

do i see myself as that person

not even the speed and ferocity of my monday but rather, all the thing si have done, the wonderful and horrible things . . .

what kind of person sneaks a guy into her dorm room whom she jsut met

what kind of person gives ehr best friend the exacting details of a home made herbal abortion

what kind of girl sees her lost uncle int he woods and convinces herself she didnt only to have him found there dead

what kind of girl writes a sonnet

what kind of girl lies at her job interview out of desperation

what kind of girl breaks up with the only man she ever loved. . . . twice

what kind of girl has a relationship with a man she feels nothing for out of sheer lonliness

at what point will i stop being the girl who does all these things and become the woman who did all the things . .. and will i be able to handle it when i do

for someone who protests having no regrets i am awfully persistant when it comes to dwelling on my past

what kind of person am i

where do i fall on the spectrum

all these questions with no punctuation

do i really want them answered

because what if i amt old what i dotn want to hear, or what i do want to hear, its a lose lose situation isnt it

The roses my mother gave me at my last play are still in my room, they are long dead and the water is foggy and disgusting but i wont throw them away

the petals havent fallen off yet, they just hang there dry and lfieless, but a thread . . . united by the fact tat they are all dead