it is frightening and wonderful all at once

a means to protect myself

a way to feel safe

some thing to keep me from what i fear most

my father

i cant tell ehr that

i cant tell my mtoher that i want mace in order to make srue my father doesnt injure or rape me.

tht is the most direct way i have eer said that

i said it directly, i admited that i am afraid that my father would rape me

i wouldnt put it pas thim . . . is that too awful a thing to say?

he isso obsessed with power and power over me that i would not be surprised if it did happen

i am scared.,. truly scared