Lonliness seeps in at the most unexpected times.

i had decided that i was not lonely, not so much deicded as declared. anounced to myself that i would not be lonely that i could stand alone. and dammit i can stand alone. I am arent i?

yes i fumble and slip and grasp for air but I am alone. i am standing and independant. that is what matters and what i have been striving for, to be complete on my own,. it is not so much that i am not complete, it is just that . . . what is the point?

I am apthetic, i have been patheitc for a good part of my life. I sti and wallow in my own misery and lonelyiness, for you see, there is a difference between ebing alone and being lonely.

Alone is full of solace. It is a sence of solidarity only to oneself. Beautiful and free and frighteningly wonderful.

But lonliness, is so much different, when lonely u have no one to share things with. A thousand people can be around you, a thousand people can love you but u can still be lonely

i have always been lonely and i think i may always be lonly.

I know that people love me and are there for me when i need them but i am lonely.

I sat there in the party, hot and sweaty from dancing, ,yes dancing, the little antisocialite and the girl who doesnt belong dancing and havign fun even though she doesnt like the people at the party, ,even though she is only there for her one friend, she had fun and made an ass of herself and didnt care.

I rest there, like that for a moment, sitting in an oversized chair by the snack table andmy thoughts drift. Damn my thoughts, they betray me in every way imaginable, for i am resting because a slow song is on. And that normally wouldnt even bother me. I had danced by myself or with friends earlier on during slow songs . . . . but now my thoughts drift to the people who would have danced with me

the people who have said they loved me and no longer do.

i am not jealous of the couples on the dance floor, i am jealous of what i had once had. I am missing the emotions and feelings and words.