I should take some sor of action, I know I should. To make sure the people i love who do not feel loved know that i love them.

I allow mymself to get emotionally bent out of shap when the people I care about are upset, yet I do nothing. I feel tortured and twisted inside when my closest frineds are sad, when they are angry. I have gotten so used to not showing emtion, that i do not think anyone realizes how much the pain of others affects me. no, i KNOW no one realizes. I allow people to feel so horribly, allow myself to feel so horribly and yet i go on without trying to change it, because I am afraid of coming across strangely, as though i am not sincere.

maybe I am not sincer . . . . i dont know. Emotionally I have been so drained for so long, i try to spread myself out, but a the same time, though i am there and sympathetic and i can tell people "oh, i know, i understand" i do nothing else, i can do nothing else, and i wont do anything else, and they do not even beleive that.

There has to be something I can do, anything, ,something but I do not know what it is or how to find out what it is.

I sit at my computer every night and wait, wait for the people i know and care for to come online, the people i can talk to about shards and oracles and past lives and yet, half the time, when they are there for me to speak to, i dont. I should tell my friend about all of this mess, but i am afraid to, it is hard enough to explain to myself, how could i tell another person?

I have to do something, none of my actions seem to be for anything and that is so wrong, i need to find purpose and not jsut for the long term, for every moment.