Saturday 11:46 pm
So the hot water on campus appears to be back. I just got some hot water out of my sink when I brushed my teeth. It made me happy
The network is down however, hence why this is all typed up in word and posted days later. bah
I moved to my summer dorm where I will be working till august. On August first I move into the brand new dorm, the apartment style dorm.
Wednesday I start classes. I am taking biology and I am doing a publicity practicum. I don't have the money to buy my biology book. I don't know how much I need all I know is I have 16 dollars to my name right now and I wont get any more for a while. For about 2 weeks.
I'll be living off charity and campus mealplan till then. Assuming I have a campus mealplan. The summer meal plans are just declining balance (university money for university stores and restaurants) I think I am signed up for one. Im not sure . . . . that isn't good. That could mean I am living off these teriyaki meals my mother keeps buying me. I don't have enough of those for two weeks. I have a few things of pasta. Maybe a packet or two left of oatmeal. Some jelly orange kool-aid. . . and a few cans of soup and popcorn. That is 13 meals. Not counting popcorn as a meal. If I count popcorn as a meal then I have over 20 probably. But then I would die of malnutrition you know. Interstingly. there is a lot of abandoned food in the refrigerators in the dorm. Its odd living in a dorm where people actually use the public refrigerators.

I llike this building. It feels like it has existed during interesting things. It has weight and time in it. I like I a lot buti feel strangely homesick. I do everytime, even last summer when I moved back "home" I felt homesick. I am going to havee to get used to this moving thing eventually. I am afraid though. I am afraid of getting too used to moving around. Afraid that then I will just not feel at home anywhere.

I havent hooked up my cable yet. I a think I am going too in a minute so that I can watch tv before bed. Maybe that will make me more comfortable. I am feeling very strange in here right now. I have the room how I like it, but I still feel odd

I am going to have to get comfortable with being alone again.i say again, though I am not sure I ever was.
Michael wont be around constantly, trent will barely be around, for a few weeks Brittany and jay will be gone. Who do I have left? I have a few other off-campus friends but they aren't that close. Hell I don't have any on campus friends. Though I suppose that is to be expected. It is summer after all. Who wants to live in a dorm over the summer?
Maybe I'll make new friends . . . . . uhm yeah . . . sure

Sunday 11:32 am
The birds that yesterday were cool and interesting and gentle chirping outside my window, are now squawking and pissing me off.
In about an hour im going to go get free lunch since dining services is all closed. The internet is still down and I really want the c-store to be open. I really need the internet so I can ask my brother if I can borrow money. You know, so I can buy my biology book, and maybe a notebook, and do laundry later this week.i cant get my money out of savings without mom knowing. And then mom will ask me what happened to my paycheck, blah blah blah, argument ensues.
I feel so tired. I want to go back to sleep. Maybe I'll just lay down for a bit, rest my eyes.

Sunday 11:31 PM
Strange that the other entry was almost exactly 12 hours ago.
I upset you. And I am not even sorry. Hell I wasn't wrong. You aren't the only one on the planet that can be right. I am kind of glad you are leaving soon, because we are both getting fed up with eachother. We are both getting testy and easily angered with one another. We are both unstable. I want to make a deal with you, that if I go back to therapy you will to. . . but you'll just say no. you aren't that sort of person. The sort who cares enough of about me to dothat or who admits the slightest need. You skipped your fucking psychiatrist appointment because they were going to put you on meds for your fucking mental disorder. Jesus Christ! You have a disorder. You know it, you say it, and I am tired of making excuses for it and letting oyu get away with shit because of it. I am tired of having to give you 8 times more patience thananyone else because you refuse to be put on medication because you are a little scared. You are all about medications otherwise. I'm sorry but there is no herbal remedy for manic depression, just suck it up. Help yourself. You are like talking to a brick wall, you know that? I can type this and know your exact answers, hear that laugh and the shrug that means, I don't care. This it it and that is that. No more.
Its strange, we have the same issue,s yours more intense than mine by fa, and I am crying out for help and you are refusing it. You are fucking lying to your therapist. Fuck you. I don't have sympathy for you anymore. I don't want to hear aout your goddam premonitions of dying this summer, or how you wont sign the fucking blanket all my others friends sign because of blah blah blah you just want attention. You just love hurting me if it makes a scene or gives you attention or both. Well fuck off. Go home. I do hate you.

Hypothetically I should be awake at 8 tomorrow, though I don't think I really need to be. There is supposedly training tomorrow from 8-5, but no one has said anything about it since the email a month ago telling me I got the job. Though I do now recall that Robert accidentally sent many an email for me to the wrong address. Blasted other Katherine frazier. A pox on yee!
They sprayed the showers with some chemical today, so even if the hot water is back I don't intend to use the showers any time soon.

I wont be borrowing money from my brother, my mom volunteered to pay for my books without me asking. I miss the free books back in public school
My crises are essentially over. Tomorrow I will hopefully have internet back.

Im going to bed soon. I'll wash up all pioneer style and go to sleep and wake up at 8am. Bah.