I want to get a cake and candles and surprise her.
I loved her face and the surprise and joy and everything
everything
everything

i am greedy, i am selfish, i am jealous, i am manipulative.
I keep trying to convince myself I am otherwise, and while I do not think I am very much so, I am and there is no denying that.I manipulated a little. I tried hard to seem unbiased and i tried to a lesser degree to actually be unbiased. I gave mostly objective advise and also said a few sentences to help me get my way.
On a certain level I want to say, how could I help it? I feel what i feel and no one is unbiased, it is just how we are.
I very much wanted her to ask me what my biased opinion was, so I could tell her. I very much made myself think that when she said "you must feel something about it, tell me." she was trying to get me to admit what she already knew out of me.
she wasn't
I am a horrible person
This time she rejected a guy she wasnt romantically interested in. What about next time. she is a beautiful wonderful funny sweet and intelligent and desireable girl. What will I do the next time when someone she does want tries to get her. Someone who is good for her. I can feel it; That will happen. and I am worried that I will somehow try to stop it. That is unfair of me.

I have the potential to be such a horrible manipulative bitch