Tonight I order pizza, my roommate and I are having pizza and fried mushrooms to commemorate her last day as my roommate

meanwhile

up till 6:30 iin the morning, just talking, no music, no tv, just two voices and some liquor, that was nice. Perhaps more fuel than my overactive imagination needed, but nice.
I am a little afraid of living here alone, which i will most definitly be doing starting tomorrow night. a room to myself is exciting and all . . . but i dont have any/many friends in this building, and i almost enjoyed talking till one about stupid things, because neither of us wanted to sleep.
as long as i am productive with my solitude, i kknow wverything will be ok.maybe another trip to W and J's apartment tihs weekend, to get all liquored up.
I feel so aimless when i am lonely, so very aimless.

being without a roommate is not so much the aimless part. being without an object of fantasy, someone to worry about wha ti look like around, someone to make me happy and nervous . . . . i want that. i am so tired of feeling unloved and unwanted.