i totally loathe my current layout, but i am too lazy to work on a new one, so this shall be around a while

I cannot figure out why my roommate threw away our cream cheese, it cannot have been bad yet, and i there is no way she used the last of it, there was over half a container left, yet i saw it in the trash! with a half eaten (crem cheeseless) bagel beside it. I have decided to go without comment

Life is pretty much good, i just need to realize that. its harder than it sounds.
tomorrow i fix my friends computer, see a play, and drink massively. I may not see the play, it all depends

i am still, after close to twenty years of life, no good at being alone. I am here, i am away from home, things are better, but they are not great, i am still rather sad.

"but he can't be a man cause he doesnt smoke, the same cigarettes as me."

i feel like i was rolling down the hill toward something big, and just as the ride was about to get really exhilerating, all laws of inertia and physics failed me and i began to meander randomly about as a slow pace.

I lost

I fell really hard and fast, like I always do. I really thought I had a chance . . . que sera, sera.
I want to see her so badly.

I feel so rejected, "I'll call you and we'll get together." "i'll call you back later today" but nothing. But there was no reason for her to say it. no reason at all for her to lie. no awkward situation to escape by lying . . . she asked for my phone number

so i tell myself she is busy
i tell myself so many things

i just dont want to be alone. Her was someone just so amazing, and i lost again.

I want to cry now