about an hour ago, while i was sleeping, my best friend loaded up the vast majority of his personal possessions into his fther's car and left, not to return for several months.
I feel sick.
Tomorrow at 5 my father will arrive and take me away, i have less than 24 hours. every movement i make feels like it could be my last. It is over dramatic i suppose, but the feeling i have over my entire body nonetheless.
i went to bed around 5am. we watched 3 movies, talked a bit, listened to our favorite songs, then hugged and said goodbye.
what am I going to do?
I pack more odds and ends, i throw awaty more junk, i bum more cigarettes. I have no money, i have about 20 cents to my name in nickels and pennies, sitting here on my desk. I spent t much this past weekend, trying to fix thigns that could nto be fuxed, and the girl down the hall has managed to escape without giving me back my philosophy book, my only means of possible income, and i have no friends around to give me rides to the plasma center.
"Friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless, do you want me to send you back to where you were? UNEMPLOYED in GREENLAND?!"

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just got a phone call. my study session with a friend has been cancelled. i'll still see him at the exam today, but boom, no social interaction. It has been sort of my one thing to look forward to in these inevitably dismal two days. I was going to see him and laugh and joke as usual . . . i guess not.
I cannot stand spending these last few days in isolation like this. It is maddening. Today i eat, i study, i take a test, and i pack more things away. I cannot play videogames, they are packed away, i cannot watch movies, they are packed away. soon my roommates tv will be taken away by our neighbor who is buying it.
I suppose I am making myself out to be rather pitiful. At the end of last semester I was the last person I knew to leave. But even then, down tot he very end I had at least one friend, so that my time alone was stillr ather short.

I am going to get out my camera, i will take a picture of the writing the people who lived her befor eme did on the walls, i will take one more picture of the view out the window, one more picture, one last memory to hold on to