I feel too much like myself. so inexplicably concerned only with myself and not the world around me.
How many classes have i skipped this week?
I hate how self-centered i can be. I despise it, and being so incredibly aware of it makes me feel worse.
typing is difficult, my left side cannot keep up with my right.
damn twitching

My English teacher may be making me feel like slightly less of a hack. she wants me to publish one of my papers in this book the university does. . . . im not sure i will.
I told her I would, i had every intention of doing it. But to fill out the form, print off the paper, walk to the office, and submit myself, ssubmit something i wrote to a process of critique, evaluation, and quite possibly rejection . . . that i dont like so much. That I am not so excited about.

--------------

too many ideas in one entry as of late. too many ideas all the time.
The look in your face as I left tonight, made me worried. I worry about you too much, like a mother, or a sister, liek you are my family. I worry about you the way i should worry about my family

i cannot focus on one subject long enough to write a decent tirade about it
i cannot focus on anything.

-------------

you seem so out of context
in this gaudy apartment complex
a stranger with your door key
explaining that i'm jsut visiting
and i am finally seeing
why i was the one worth leaving.

("the district sleeps alone tonight" The Postal Service)

-------------
I had a far too long conversation today about the quite likely homosexuality of my ex-boyfriend. Sometimes i feel like my past only serves as fodder for taunts and jeers.

-------------
I read this article, that slightly annoyed me in that it hought it had a narrow-minded view. It talked about homosexuals creating their own sorts of family groups out of friends and ex-lovers. it led one to beleive that no gay people wer eon good terms with their biological families. It made too many generalizxations while observing something that happens occassionally.

I feel so much like the attachments i should have with family memebers are made with other people, some friends from my childhood are like siblings, some adults i know are like aprents, my relationship with my brother is so many things other than that of a sibling, a friend a parent a confidant . . . it is strange.

---------------

my nerves are wracked about seeing the neurologist tomorrow, i know that is vaguely funny.
I know it is probably nothing. It is probably a minor problem. but, watching ER with Heather today has me paranoid about irregularities and brain tumors. I almost think it would be nice to find something horribly wrong with me, some sort of life-threatening illness. it would put a fire under my ass. I'd start publishing shit left and right, getting all teh things i want to do done as soon as possible, instead of thinking i have all my life to do it. And that same fucking selfish aprt of me thinks about hwo it would make people treat me differently.

--------------
speak to me
say something
there is a wall i cannot see and it hurts everytime i collide with it.