I get this feeling alot. I had it when i dappled in bulimia, which i was never good at, and when i cut maliciously. I feel sick of myself.
just utter revulsion, just physicalyl ill with myself. smoking took care of that in a much less self-destructive manner than massive amounts of ex-lax and cider vinegar tablets or my scissors.

I wish i had taken more pictures

the thing is, that made it worst of all back in middle school was that I liked you more than I liked myself too. Of course back then I liked almost anything more than I liked myself.

I want a cigarette to eliminate the self-loathing right now. I want Angela to be on campus to call me and make me go smoke with her, weather i want to or not. It would be wonderful.
i want to not be quitting the habit so I could go bum a smoke off of some random person.

My damned uncontrollable moods. this morning I felt good, I did. Now I want to roll into a ball and sleep forever, and cry.

and I want to drink.
I am my father already, goddammit, i know I am. I have to stop this, I have to do something, but I have to want to . . . and that is harder than anything.
I am trying to feel better. I am listening to Cake which would normally cheer me up, but all the wrong songs are coming on and all the good words are bouncing off of me.

I just need to wait for this mood to pass. It will pass . . . they always do.