If you don't want me to fall for you then stop singing so wonderfully around me. stop locking eyes with me for too long and stop smiling at me that way that you do.

In my dream last night I saw my grandmother and the right side of her face was purple and hairless and drooping and swollen. it couldnot move but her left side smiled.

It is time already to start planning what i will say to my father, in the awkward spaced out moments where the silence speaks volumes about ow little we really know one another

you treat me differently now. not so much that iy is active or conscious, but you are stand-offish and you are guarded around me. I may have ruined everything

so afraid

i woke up an hour later than usual this morning and then laid in bed for thirty minutes just staring at the ceiling and thinking with "walk like a man" running through my head. my roommate thought something was wrong. How do i explain that everything was wrong, but that is what is so right about my life right now?

my friend down the hall is bribing me with vodka and chinese food to call her cousins school pretending to be his mother to get him out of trouble for skipping.

I still don't know when i am getting picked up to go home for spring break. My mother told me once that i could go anywhere i wanted over spring break, as long as i could afford it.
I wish I had something to do or somewhere to go to take advantage of that offer.