im not sure what i feel right now

numb fantastically numb

i dont feel as if i said anything wrong, i dont feel as if i said anything that i should not have. I just feel . . . everything at once
I am almost feel like it was a good thing, that the words slipped out in the planned organized way they did.

I still feel that loose feeling, a certain ache in my veins. My neck is sore. Can I still ask you for a backrub without some sort of akward consequences?

will it all be the same
do i want it all to be the same?
Will I continue to dillude myself or will it fade away. and perhaps . . what if it fades away and then something rises in you, then what?

it all seems horribly unfair, like some sort of cosmic bad timing