strangely enough i just realized that my room seems to show a surprising amount of school spirit, all of accidental. I have recently become quite found of the color yellow and i have always liked blue,a nd thus the majority of my decor has been those two colors . . . it never even occured to me that those were my college's colors . . odd

I feel lonely again, and a bit stupid.
I dyed my hair, it was supposed to be purple but instead is this very dark brownish blackish color with the slightest hint of purple, which one would only notice if i mentioned it.
I'm scarred. From that time months ago when I cut again. I cut myself on my leg. My thinking behind it at the time was that it would be easier to hide, I never wear shorts, and having a roommate around its hard to hide such slashes. The problem is that when i was very much dependant on abuse I never cut on my legs. I now have five lines across the top of my thigh which I doubt will ever go away entirely. I feel so frustrated with myself everytime i change clothes or get into the shower and see them.
I don't want to be capable of that anymore.

When I was home I thought alot about doing it again but managed to resist the temptation, instead i resorted to sloth and overeating.

The winter might just make me quit smoking. I walked to class this morning when it was 15 degrees outside. the idea of linger outdoors for any period of time seemed insane, and thus, no smoking.
My roommate, who for a very long time has been practically living at her boyfriend's apartment, will be spending the night in out toom again for a few weeks. It is maddening. I got so used to privacy that not having it is strange. She feels like a stranger to me. Though we saw eachother during the day all last semester out conversations have never gone beyond small talk.

I procrastinate far too much