In my mind he comes to my door and surprises me, a bit shy and akward. I invite him in, we talk, and when i ask him why he came he stutters.
its adorable and endearing
and i cant chase away the thought that he is right outside my door. Nervous and Waiting

I've been listening to this miz cd of romantic songs, i dont know what possessed me to do it, self-torture i suppose. I was laying on my bed, trying to read Anna Karenina for class, and i couldnt stop thinking. The music just kept making emotion swell in me.

I feel this great need to be in love. To be loved.

I want to just show up on your door and scream, have a cup of coffee with me.
BEcause I can't help thinking, despite the fact that it is most likely only my own vanity and desperation, that you feel the same way for me.

I want to move forward. I was drawn to you ever since I met you, more so each day. But nothing new happens, I think about asking you out, but I don't. We smile, we laugh, we flirt and joke and talk.

but nothing comes of anything.

We come back to the building, push the buttons 4 and 8, and go our seperate ways.

19 years of life, a decent number of relationships under my belt . . . I've never been asked out on a date.

I want to go into a relationship a normal way. I want to go out to dinner or a movie or coffee a few times, slowly build, slowly feel more, slowly become mroe commited, not this sudden wash of coupledom that takes over my life, like every other relationship i have had

i cant stop thinking that you are about to knock, that your fist is hesitating a mere inch from my door.
that something will happen
anything
i long for anything, for motion, for movement, to feel cared about, for something to happen in my life, anything at all. something other than pining for you, than casually having a morning cigarette where i know you will pass. something more than wanting

I see it all as a movie, that isnt really happening, or playing in any theaters. In my mind terribly romantic moments are just on the horizon.

And everytime i answer the door, and it isnt you, i lose a bit more hope.