(does anybody want a g-mail invite? I have 6 and no one to give them to, just drop me a note with your email address and i'll give it to you, unless you're a jackass.)

I don't really care anymore
there was this time of guilt and pain and being horribly upset and so concerned about his well-being
and now, poof, its gone
because someone all those good things i saw are dwindling. and more and more i wonder what happened to him . . . or to me.
There is this desperation that is not endearing. As if he wants me to feel guilt. he isnt jsut sad he waves a flag that says "kati i still have feelings for you' and then gets upset when i dont run into his arms.
grrr, he says he has tried to talk to me about it but i won't . . i asked!
him the one who always said "if you wanted me to know you would tell me" hasnt told me. and because i dont pull out the jaws of life to get him to talk about something i honestly would prefer not to talk about i am a bitch
sigh
i feel good though . . . even though i dont care, even thouguh i feel like abandoning any sort of effort to be his companion . . . i dont regret it, even though i think i probably should.