why did you tell me, just to drive me insane?

to watch me squirm and worry and look afraid.

it is strange being trapped in a moment that you know a few years from now has the potential to be one of those funny stories you tell to new friends sitting in the smoking area.

i dont know weather to be there for you, or hate you. I dont know weather to hold on tighter or just give up

tell me something more anything

tell me the truth

tell me it was a joke

tell me goodbye

just something anything, something definite. something i can grasp and understand and point a finger at and explain.

damn you

i was waiting for the moment you would assuage my fear, for the moment you would make it clear to me that the thought in the back of my mind was silly . . . instead you made it real and present and possible.

and i feel selfish for wanting my own outcome, for wanting you to be a certain way . . .

i feel like i dont have a right to want a certain outcome