I feel so weak and miserable.

Today was supposed to be great, I was going to do soem work on my webapges, some drawings, make a Pi Birthday present for Chas (yeah Pi birthdays are a long long story) Instead, when raking the lawn this morning i pinched a nerve ro soemthing and have been on nmy back all day . . . and i dont mean on my back in the fun way.

I feel so weak and horrible. So utterly useless. I tried to make msyelf lunch and somehow made the pain come back sevenfold and immediately ran back to the living room to lay on the floor and cry.

I injure msyelf so stupidly, Infact, for a person of my intelligence (not tha ti am particularly intelligent, jsut not particularly stupid) I injure msyelf inf ar too many stupid ways.

I was raking for christs sake . .raking, last tiem i hurt myself badly i fell into the bath rub, not in the bathtub, INTO it. Then before that i screwed up my ankle jumping in place . . . .

this week has just been a series of injuries to my pride, from losing my check card to embarassing myself itn he quick stop my many screw-ups at work.

I dont like feeling even more useless than usual. I cant remember crying in physical pain since i was a child, yet today i lay on the floor and just sobbed.

I had a very sad conversation Monday night, attempting to explain to soemone i lvoed that I couldnt coem and see them . . . everyone is like a child at times, myself included. we are all so determined that whatever we want is bound to be possible. That there just has to be a way to do it.

i wish that was all there was to it. Just wanting to see someone, wannting to do soemthing.

it cant be that simple, not for me, or for anyone else. it is horribly unfair.