Sometimes I have got to wonder

who the hell do i think i am kidding?

And when it occurs to me, that it is all for myself i feel worse. What kind of dillusional freak does all this, thinks all these things, acts this way with no good reason, nothing other than to convince themself of what they know isnt true

maybe im not happy

what is the worst is that i can dissillusion myself as easily and artfully as i create the illusions

but what if it wasnt an illussion

thats the trouble, know what of knowing. Are these emotions real, or mood swings. Is this love or, am i convinving myself it is. is there a connection or something my mind created

a two dimensional set prop, made with tin cans and string, like a childs, but i isnt real, ocassionally they may talk throuigh the other end, but it isnt real, it isnt anything, not a conenction, that is for sure.something i beleive in so badly that they ccassionally play along out of pity

but what if i didnt crate it

thats the trick, there is no way of knowing, now way of defining that line between reality and this set i have built around myself, i cant get backstage, and i dont know if there is a backstage, it has all become too real for me, the character has taken over and i dont know wher ei end and they begin