My life is like an after school special that repeats over and over

i am tired of getting in the car with ym father when i know he has been drinking

I dont want to hear him lie anymor ebaotu jsut one beer an dhow long it has been and how it is fine he is fine, i dont want to feel ym foot hitting that invisible break begging him without a word to stop or else kill me, telling him , dad please watch out for that car, or please dont run over hte curb again, or hey youre getting way too close to the building, and hten being yelled at is if i were somehow holding him back, punishing him, being cruel and pestering,

over reactive

i want to just say know, to do what all the good little teens do in the shows and say "no billy, you are my friend but you have been drinking, i am going to call mom fo ra rid ehome. except mom is getting int he car and whispering to me not to rock the boat. I want to just walk away, walk home, sure it will take hours, or call a friend, find a pay phone call a friend and go home that way. not definity not with him,

i want to avoid that fear, the fear when you are torn ebtween trying to sit upright so you will be safest and least injured when the wreck happens or slumping down andburying your face in the seat so you wont see all the close calls.

I am tired of pretnedng everything is allright.

there is no such thing as someone who is good when driving drunk, or stoned, even jsu tbuzzed, you're all lying to yourselves, hell i even did it once, its a fucking lie.

walk home

say no to the alcoholic father, who gives a fuck if it means i will have a huge fight with ym father, risk bringing about his wrath, risk so many things, risk him running me ove rin his anger, i would rather be alone and unhappy than dead, or close to it.