One needs a certain amount of alone time when coping with the realization that the way one has been viewing things is flawed.

because it isnt inevitable and, chances are, it wont work out like that, i dont even really want it to anymore, if it does, it will be a surprise to me.

of course this realizzation which requires alone time to deal with required alone time to come up with

and there is no alone time with the same great quality as that of being alone at a party. staring at the ice on th epatio through the window and at a caddy on teh golf course in teh distance. trying to figure out what he is doing

wha ti am doing

i need someone who understands Moulin Rouge

you dont my friend, you dont

how strange fo ryou are that lad of the tale,

ther ewas a boy
a very strange encahtned boy

its hard to watch such flims in a group when youw ant to cry at the realization they deepen within you

it breaks my heart, but so much as you will break your own

it is strange to think of the inevitability as not inevitable, it is frightening for it all to be unexpected

and somehow

it is liberating

in alone time the caddy stares back at me

how does one end up with a job like that?

the ice melted into the crack s in the boards and frozen over again th elgithest glazing of snow trapped udner neath andthe cat brushing aroudn my elgs

it wouldnt work becuase you dont udnerstand it

dont understand it because you are it

too close to home perhaps?

but (alas) have never felt that too close too home feeling (not enough to speak of) and because, because home isnt home to me

maybe NEw orleans will be.