Life would be so much easier if people care about the things that were important and didnt care about the things that arent

instead everything is opposite

If life didn't have such reprocussion sI could live and be how I chose, no not what i chose, how things come naturally.

While I trudged through the obnoxious world of scholarship hunting and foundmyelf o be a rather difficult person to award money too, despite my good grades I also discovered that If I could come out of the closet I could apply for a lot mroe scholarships.

If i was openly bisexual I could say "Hey look at me! I am a minority!" and get benefits. I could get college money for beign different isntead of being treated like crap for it. Instead of losing new friends when they find out or the inevitable reaction of my parents or those reactions froms trangers when I am open "hey man look, lesbians!"

In place of all the anoyance and degradation I would get an award, a scholarship encouragement to be what I am and to succeed at the same time.

But instead, I am chicken.

I'm too afraid to hurt my mother and her strange indestructible hopes of grandchildren (even though I tell ehr I do not want children ever, being attracted to women would injure her hopes even more)

I am too afraid of what my father would say

Because when you get an award for being different you can't get away with hiding it anymore.

It's hard enough to hide what you are, when more andmor epeople know, when more and more people are used to you ebing open abou tit. I am tired of telling new friends "oh by the way my family doens tknow" when I take them to my house for the first time

the fact is my family deosnt know anything about me. That I am bisexual, that I am ot christian, I dont beleive in heaven, hell or the republican party.

Society is so torn between being a melting pot and "celebrating eachother uniqueness" that no body really learns to accept anyone else the way they should. No body elarns abotu everyone else, they see themselves as the sandard, except in the rare case that they veer away from the majority and are given a sudden rude awakening that they arent "normal"

it would be so easy if everything worked the way it should