today (or should i say tonight) i walked outside to look at the sky.

not jsut the sky but eerything

i sat on my porch and waited, sitting on the top of the porch steps, my feet feleing teh cool brick, slightly damp fromt eh dew that ahd already fell, brick feeling like sand that has refused to move.

the air was cool and i was cold and i waited. waited for what?

Some part of me truly expected a part of my life to jsut waltz up the drive way and say hello. I waited for someone to talk to, someone wo i had lost the chance to talk. someone who is no irreperably and compeltely gone

gone

Its strange how people can come not your life and leave against so quickly. How they cna bring you so much and then take it all away again

i jsut wanted to talk, to feel clsoe. To laugh and talk and watch her chain smokng and hear her tell me every so often, in pauses in covnersation, to never ever start smoking, i want to hear her say it again so that i can smile and not tell her how i enjoy the smoke she lets out, partially because of ht enicotine, and aprtially becuase i ti sheres

i want to laugh and joke and be sarcastic and infale her smolke in teh ngiht air, and sit on the hoods of cars and lean on brick walls and talk for hours and be lsitened to.

and i sat on my front porch, my feet agaisnt brick and breathing in air much to clean, with not hte least bit of cancer. and no laughter, no sarcasm. Just myself, nd an emptiness. all of my own doing