And what am i supposed to tell the world when i no longer have the answers?
The answers were safe, the answers felt nice.
answers were good
I enjoyed having the solution, it made me feel usueful, like i had a good reason to exist and to be.
i felt as though i belonged when i knew jsut what to say, becaus ei had command of hte words, i ahd control fo them
and now it seems i wander amongst words aimlessly, i float in them, but i cannot swim. my insidiously lazy and fearful childlike mind never learned to swim so i have no direction, i am at theri whims and their restrictions and i cannto go to shore.
i'm trapped,a nd at times i flail and try to wrestle my way out but i tread water, i am never in control.
I used to commance words, i used to arrange and weave them however i pleased, but now . . . now i float, ikick about and i cry, i cry at the chlorine in my eyes and the sun on my skin.
I dont have the answers, i cant find them, i dont knwo wher ethey are and they do not float to me freely anymore.
I dont know what to say
what good am i if i dont know what to say?
if i cant make it all better for anyone or msyelf
i jsut ramble and rpattle and my mind and mouth go off on tangent,s weather i am intoxicated or not
and i have no control voer anything, i cannot command the world to meet the things similar to answers that it hink i have
i cannot make the answers come
why wont they come
I toss and turn at night and this headache wont go away
and ic ant make them smile anymore
i dont amke anyone smile anymore
i dotn smile anymore
i jsut float by
it hink he smiled once, when i said soemthing, ro did soemthign or was osmethign or did nothign i dont know . . i think once he smiled becaue of me
and now ic ant find him, i drifted away on ym sea of words and paranoia and misgivings and now there is nothing i can do
but wait and wait and wait
and watch the world go by with questions unanswered and problems i can tsolve because i am at mercy of the world, i am not going with the flow i am at ir smercy
i am jsut another insignificant speck int he water, antoher drowning insect
what ever made me think i was anything else?