Why can't anything ever be easy for me?

I cannto jsut have anormal relationship or a normal person attracted to me under normal, calm, convenient circumstances. Instead i always have to take the difficult road, thje unpaved, unforged road overgrown with viners and weeds and tree stumps, obstacles on all sides. Always the road not taken, weather i want it or not.

I choose the path of most-resistance; inadvertantly. Not looking ahead or thinking things through i always end up with the bad hand, at the bottom of the ladder.

And emotions run high and so does my heart rat, andrenaline racing and heart thudding beneath my ribcage, so quickly, so loud. espescially considering my lowered blood pressure

every turn seems to be the wrong one, or too right for me to stay. I dont want to spend my life wodnerign what if, i dont want to rob myself of an experience . . . but ic ant experience everything in this life. I cannot always back track and try another course . . .i can never backtrack.

my raod is riddle with exit ramps and pit stops and billboard distractions along the way . . . i seem more preoccupied with those than my destination

what is my destination anyway? Why is that so importnat? i have a map i have enough gas for a long trip, why not just wander, why not just let the wind and my whims take me where iw ill . . .

why not?