so how to explain what i feel . .

confused

very confused

is confusion even an emotion, or is it more of a state of being? or is it both, or neither

i feel too many things at once too many conflicting things

so whatever the hell confusions is, i have it

so to simplify things ill jus tlist of all the things i feel or think i am feeling one by one

curiousity- is this what ive been waiting for? what i have been expecting or am i forcing it, am i just forming an illusion for myself?

paranoia . . . im looking to far into this, im seeing things that arent there, i cant trust this, i cant trust myself

guilt, why do i even feel guilty? i have no reason to, should i feel guilty for nto feeling what someone else wants me to? or do i feel that? do i feel guitly for feeling and not acting on it

but there we jsut have more confusion

obligation, joy, fear, anger, spite, betrayal, more and more and more and i cant even expalin them all

its too much to fit inside of me, or at least that is how it feels