i know everyone is tired of me wallowing in self pity but i dont do it as often as i once did, and this is my diary dammit and i will write in it as i please
::ahem:: now where was i
I do not udnerstand why i make things so hard on myself. Hopeless romantics were not meant to be overweight plain looking girls, or is it the other way around? Over weight plain looking girls were nto meant to be hoppeles romantics. either way, it doesnt matte,r becasue i am one (both actually) so i cant escape it, no matter how hard i try. My mind runs away with me, i scream and i cry, my heart is broken by lovers i never had.
i feel like a woman of the world, without having ever had a lasting relationship. i feel so old and wise sometimes, and i have experienced nothing
or little, very little
but sometimes i feel like i have experience the few thign si have more deeply than some others ever will
i sound so pretentious, like i think i am so special, but arent i allowe dthat? shouldnt i be able to act like i am the center of the universe in this medium?
im sorry i am so arrogant
breka my heart why dont you?
why not, come on, its your turn, everyone is lined up to rbeak me apart and make me cry, you dont have to know, you dont have to feel guilt,t hose who atually touched me, well they went above and beyond the call of duty. Its your turn to breka my heart in twide, dont worry it is an easy task, just sit there, maybe talk to me a little, and act as though my presence doesnt entireley repulse you, or dont, on ocassion that requirement is even waived
its a lowing paying job, but dont worry you will hardly know you are doing it. the benefits ar elow, but who cares, you may as well jsut sit on your ass watching telelvision, hell dont even do that
i can fall in lvoe with you if you are a miserable puddle of goo on the brink of death, my mind and heart are that desperate it seems
desperation
like my gasping aching organs, breathing scratching crawling for a place to go and way to be and do. anything but this, anything.
and then i do it again