damn my horoscope all to hell

grrr i really wish i beleived in hell right now so that statemnet would have more meaning

for the past week 'the stars' have been telling me how to handle my romatnic relationship, that doesnt even exist. . . .

the universe is taunting me

because i feel as though i am going to be alone forever, and part of me wants to beleive that, and aprt of me does not. I cannot tell if it is true, but an aching pang in my mind wants me to think it is real.

I try so hard not to let msyelf think i have a chance . . . but then i think it anyway. I pick up on signals tht must only be in my mind then i wait and turn around and am dissapointed . . . .

i don't want to be dissapointed anymore

what am i suppsoed to do?

stupid stupid kati, i need to stop falling, i need to stop getting my hopes up. ineed to stop . . . .

stop? how do i stop? how do i gain control of my mind and my heart like that?

i cant

i cannot control myself. I was enver able to before and it seems i will not be able to now.

or perhaps even ever