It's amazing how easily i escaped the massive amount of rpessure i felt just a weak ago at this time.

I wasted away this weekend rather blissfully.

I did everything i could to forget how it felt but i can tell already that it will just come back again as i retun to school and this world i was nto meant for

nothing seems natural

when i cook dinner because mum is at school, it doesnt feel right. Not that it feels wrong for me to be doing sonething for her, but cooking, cleaning, school work., . . . I dont dislike them but they feel like they are tasks from an entirely different world that i am not a part of

not about or below me, jsut different

it is o increibly hard to express this without sounding arrogant or elitest, perhaps that is why i have never expressed it before

i am not meant for domestic things, or homework and classes.

too structured i suppose/

no that isnt it

just too much

i dont feel like i was meant for life sometimes., I feel as though i would be infinitely hapier and more ccomfortable with everything jsut floating around without a presence and thinking, a swirling mas of emotion and consciousness without body without obligations to a world

Samsara . . .

I remember that word

When i was first learnign about buddhist philosophy i learned about Samsara, this cycle of earthly obligations that you can be sucked into, christians think of it as beign caught up inteh anture of the flesh in a world of sin, buddhists see it more as beign caught up in the world of things that are unimportant. A wrold of things that you must do but are not what existance is about.

I gotta get out of it

I have a two hour delay before school tomorrow

two hours of freedom before going back to tht existance . . . or lack there of

im tired of this world

im tired