(please excuse the lack of images in my layout, my server that hosts my website and the images i sue here is down, i hope it will be back soon)

I feel strange

i spent an hour earlier listening to the hopeless romantic mix cd that Chas sent to me for christmas. I wanted to cry but i couldnt. The tears were behind my face, i could feel them deep inside my head . . . aching

I kept thinking how easy it would be to fall in love all over again if i let myself. But no, i will not fall, i will not fail

for hours i very much needed to close my eyes and take a deep breath this evening but all day i was either busy or driving. And now that I am doing neither i am afraid to seem whistful for a moment at risk of making my parents wonder

what am I missing

somehwere in me i have become empty as the mornings hold nothing and i sleep till noon at every opportunitu

i haevny been writing

why not wht is wrong with me where has that gone, i wrote one poem in 3 weeks, one and i still am not satisfied with it, but everytime i read it over i feel so safe and balanced, more so than i have in some time

if i dont write i topple, i realize that now