its is strange the fears that modern media gives us.

The fears it gives me in particular.

my father is an alcoholic and a jack ass. those 2 usually do go hand in hand.

Last night my father hit me. That is the only way i suppose i should word it, or can. I raised my voice at him which i should know better than to do by now.

I told myself it was a spanking, i really did but he was hiding it from my mother, and well, he hit me, in the ass of all places. It only stung a little, by the time i realized what he'd done he was walking away as if he had done nothing, I'm fairly sure my mother didn't know.

My father wasn't the disciplinarian when I was growing up, he was hardly home, and that was wonderful because i thought he was a great dad. All he ver did was play with me, that was all he had time to do. When i was about ten years old my father realized that soon he would have 2 teenagers . . and he transformed.

He is an angry man, a constantly infuriated amn who had damaged me emotionally, but never before physically.

my mother was happpy that my brother chose to live on campus, she was happy, ,because "your father was raised never to raise a hand to a woman, but he would take it out on your brother"

well his hand wasn't actually raised i suppose

Media and books and movies are making me deathly paranoid.

What if he decides to rape me?

It is probably just my paranoia cropping up again, but I wouldn't put it past him.

Its been running through my mind the past few days now and I feel as though i am shaking, but my hands are steady. (I think it is my heart that is shaking)

Last night i was amazed my whole wrist didnt turn to ashes